Some people think they have really bad luck. They think that if something crazy is going to happen, it is going to happen to them. I submit to you that they are wrong, because I am that person. If there is any chance of something going askew in an altogether unforeseeable manner, it will happen to me. Why? Why me, of all the people on planet earth? I haven’t the slightest idea! Maybe it’s that God has a sense of humor…
You want examples? Well fine then, Mr./Mrs./Ms./Mz. Critic, I would be more than happy to share.
1. When the health inspector came through the dorms, whose room just so happened to have a dead mouse in it that we didn’t even know was there? Mine.
2. On the day I left to come back home from college this summer, whose back hatch to their SUV decided to just not open when the vehicle was still only half-packed, causing a 3-hour delay in departure? Yup. Mine.
3. Who runs into a random 7/11 attendant that just so happens to guess his name because of some two-bit film that nobody has ever seen? Me.
4. Who goes out soulwinning with a friend and runs into three drunk/high/strung out guys, one of which repeats everything he says and laughs (and later drives away after drinking about four beers), another who just agrees vehemently with whomever is speaking at that exact moment, and another who just so happens to be some crazy pagan/atheist/agnostic/philosophical apologist (and was also rolling a joint while speaking to him)? You probably guessed it. Yours truly!
5. Who gets his debit card deactivated because he used it a couple too many times at Walmart, the place he works at? No surprise here. Me.
My point? I don’t think I have one. I just wanted to let you know, the next time you think crazy things happen to only you, just call me up and ask me about Birdman, Moose Lady, Lady Who Curses at Beef Tongue, and the Woman Who Makes You Help Her Shop for Three Hours.